when friends adapt speech habits from you
i hear my friends say “dig” and the ever awesome… “rad(ical)”.
(via sashasky)
I can’t explain the immense amount of hatred about myself. I seriously feel like singing “Dear God, I Hate Myself”, using full meaning. I used to just blame everything else for the small things that happened to me, but… I ruined an entire year. I’ve been adding on and on every fucking day and I never stopped myself. And I always was angry and always upset because I didn’t think I had caused any of the bullshit that followed me. But it was like I was throwing pieces of meat behind me in a trail for a T. Rex to follow me. And then I was complaining about why the fuck there was a T. Rex following me.
I had even been warned, “Hey, if you drop that meat, that T. Rex will fuck you up.”
Seriously, though. What the fuck is wrong with me? I’ve single handedly killed damn near an entire school year. And what just urks me is that I can’t go back in time. I can’t hop into a Delorean and fix it. I can’t do anything about it. I’ve fucked things up, and I’ve blamed others, and now I can’t even apologize. What’s to apologize for? Apologize for being a total asshole an entire year to people I care about? I can’t do that. I’m still an asshole. I just can’t believe what I’ve done. I love how I’d always thought I wasn’t good enough… and I fucking proved it. I don’t get why there are girls are even attracted to me at all. And I’ve just come to terms with how much of a shit person I am, and I don’t need anyone to tell me, “Oh, it’s okay, Liam. Everything will be fine. You’re not as bad as you think.” Because no. I’m terrible. And you don’t know me as well as I know myself. And I don’t need anyone to tell me, “We all make mistakes.” If you’re gonna tell me that, go fuck yourself. Actually, right now, I don’t need to talk to anyone. I don’t want to talk to anyone. But then why the fuck would I post this if that were the case. I don’t know either.
I just wanna go back in time and fix everything I’ve fucked up on. I just wanna see what things could’ve been like by now had I gotten my act together. Had I actually realized I was not doing the right things. And why couldn’t I have stopped myself then? Why? I don’t get what’s wrong with me. I just wanna go back, and punch myself in the goddamn face, and shout, “What the fuck is wrong with you?!” And it just makes me feel like shit, cause what I was able to do then, I won’t be able to do anymore. And I’ve just fucked up. I fucked up. I fucked up. I’m looking back at all the things that made me feel happy, and I realized a lot of it will be gone soon. And I’ll probably never have moments like those again. And I probably could have had even more had I not been a dumbass.
I can never get those days back. The days that could’ve been so much better had I not spoken one thing. The days could’ve ended with me being immensely happy. And he days that I could’ve made others happy.
I want to be punched. I want to get what I deserve. I want my “comeuppance”.
I can’t forgive myself. So why should anyone else.
“And you convince yourself that you want it, but you don’t know. You keep on trying to wash the blood from your hands, but it won’t go.”
(Source: tks-raspberry-kiss)
Shit.
I’ve thought it over. Last night I realized I’m not as excited about the summer as I really thought I was…
Just. Argh. Fuck. Everything sucks. But this is what I get. So I have to deal with it, ‘cause it’s beyond my control.
13. Favorite color? Answered. Blue.
17. Favorite food? I love all kinds, but pasta kicks ass, man.
28. Favorite movie? Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
30. Favorite band? Girls is getting pretty high up there.
9. My best first date? Never really been on a date…
15. Favorite quote? Not sure… Anything from Catcher in the Rye or the Perks of Being a Wallflower.
29. Favorite song? As of now, Contact High by Architecture in Helsinki. It does wondrous things.
34. My relationship with my parents. Been getting better recently.
5. 4 turn on’s. asdfghjkl;
- Good music and movie taste.
- Uh. Girls.
- I dunno, when it comes to doing shit, I’m kind of timid, since I’m a loser. So, I guess girls who can make the first move.
- Girls who can be seductive, I guess?
15. A description of the person I dislike most. You are arrogant, self-absorbed and you are selfish. And quite frankly, a bitch.
22. The meanest thing anyone has ever said to me. Answered. Sort of.
26. An internal conflict I have with myself. I’m an asshole a lot of the time, without the actual intention of being an asshole.
36. How many kids I want in the future. I dunno. I’d like kids, eventually, but I dunno how many I’d like.
5. 4 turn on’s. Do I do four more or what…?
- I like nerds. Especially superhero/comic book nerds. Music nerds, movie nerds. Nerds in general are hot, okay.
- Talented girls.
- Brunettes and redheads.
- Cuddling. ‘Nuff said.
40. Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night” texts? Not really. If it’s night time and I’m texting someone, I usually just talk ‘till one of us falls asleep. It’s usually the other person; I don’t fall asleep ‘till 12-2 in the morning on a daily basis, so… And I never get good morning texts. Wouldn’t mind ‘em though. I used to text “good morning” to a few people, because if I woke up, I was like, “I wanna talk to you immediately” but now, even though I do, I feel like I’m just annoying, ever since I woke someone up like thirty minutes before their alarm went off by saying “good morning”. Haha
1. Full name. Liam McCoy.
2. Zodiac sign. Capricorn.
5. 4 turn on’s.
- A pretty face.
- Ass.
- I like it when girls bite their lip.
- I think scratching and biting is actually pretty hot.
6. 4 turn off’s. I really don’t have turn offs. Other than whores.
13. Favorite color? Blue.
14. Do I have a crush? Yeah.
20. First thing I notice in a new person? Probably their face, I guess? Haha
27. Meaning behind my URL? My name.
32. Someone I love. Trevor and Sean.
33. My current relationship status. Single.
