I feel miserable. Physically and emotionally.
This week, I quite possibly lost one of the most important people in my life, and I’ve spent a lot of time sobbing over the whole situation. No one’s dead, but it sure feels like it.
What followed were terrible days filled with more crying and increased congestion until it reached a point to where I now have the most excruciating sinus infection I’ve ever experience. Coupled with the fact that I no longer have the person I used to talk to in these scenarios, I just want to give up the ghost.
It’s such a horrible feeling to no longer have your best friend who would let you lay your head down on them, despite the risk of getting sick. It just makes the pain of your sickness that much worse after you got used to that kind of thing. Having very few people to text who genuinely care really sucks when you’re laying in your bed, too sick to move.
I know everything is my fault and I’ve been just never been too great of a person but I just know that someday I’ll be okay. Someday things will be fine; someday I won’t be sick at the very least.
But right now I just feel sad. And sick. And self-loathing. And I just want to cry a lot because of how alone in the universe I feel. And I just AT LEAST want this sinus infection to be gone. I feel like I could deal with myself a lot easier that way.
I’m sorry to everyone who chose to read this; I just felt like I needed to act like my Tumblr was actually a Tumblr for the first time in a while.
Jesus… I just don’t feel good.